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双语读剧:Call me by ...(一)46:我很乐意变成他

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qinting

2018年10月18日

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I watched them look for an empty table at one of the adjoining caffès.
My friends asked me if he was hitting on her.
I don’t know, I replied.
Are they doing it, then?
Didn’t know that either.
I’d love to be in his shoes.
Who wouldn’t?
 
我看着他们在隔壁一家咖啡店里找空位。
几个朋友问我奥利弗是不是在追她。
我不知道,我回答。
那他们做了吗?
我也不知道。
我很乐意变成他。
谁不想?
 
But I was in heaven. That he hadn’t forgotten our conversation about Celan gave me a shot of tonic I hadn’t experienced in many, many days. It spilled over everything I touched. Just a word, a gaze, and I was in heaven. To be happy like this maybe wasn’t so difficult after all. All I had to do was find the source of happiness in me and not rely on others to supply it the next time.
 
但我仿佛置身天堂。他没忘记我们有关策兰的对话,给了我这么、这么多天以来不曾打过的一针强心剂。这种振奋感满溢出来,溢到了我接触的一切东西上。只需一句话、一个眼神,我就仿佛置身天堂。幸福或许一点都不难。下次我只需要从自己内心寻找幸福的源泉,不必再依赖他人给予。
 
I remembered the scene in the Bible when Jacob22 asks Rachel23 for water and on hearing her speak the words that were prophesied for him, throws up his hands to heaven and kisses the ground by the well. Me Jewish, Celan Jewish, Oliver Jewish—we were in a half ghetto, half oasis, in an otherwise cruel and unflinching world where fuddling around strangers suddenly stops, where we misread no one and no one misjudges us, where one person simply knows the other and knows him so thoroughly that to be taken away from such intimacy is galut, the Hebrew word for exile and dispersal. Was he my home, then, my homecoming? You are my homecoming. When I’m with you and we’re well together, there is nothing more I want. You make me like who I am, who I become when you’re with me, Oliver. If there is any truth in the world, it lies when I’m with you, and if I find the courage to speak my truth to you one day, remind me to light a candle in thanksgiving at every altar in Rome.
 
我记得《圣经》里的那个场景。雅各向拉结要水;听到拉结给他的预言之后,雅各双手高举向天,亲吻泉水旁的土地。我是犹太人、策兰是犹太人、奥利弗是犹太人——我们置身半犹太居住区、半绿洲,置身一个除此之外总是残酷、绝不妥协的世界。在这儿,醉鬼也会清明度日;在这儿我们不误解任何人,也没有任何人错估我们。在这儿,一个人就是能了解另一个人,而且了解得那么彻底,以致如果剥夺了这种亲密,就是 galut,也就是希伯来语所谓的“背井离乡”或“离散”。他是我的故里,我的归处吗?你是我最后的归宿。当我与你和睦共处,我别无所求。奥利弗,你让我喜欢自己,跟你在一起时的那个自己。如果这世界有任何真实可言,真实就存在于我和你在一起的时候。如果有一天我鼓起勇气把我的真心告诉你,请提醒我,感恩节那天,要在罗马的每个圣坛点亮一根蜡烛。
 
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